The relationship you've always imagined isn't something you find. It's something you create together.
John & Jodi teach couples how to say what they each want, let go of rules they never chose, and build a relationship on purpose.
For couples who love each other and want more: more closeness, more fun, more of the “us” you started with.
Finding your way back
Life changed. The kids moved out, or a job ended, or the daily routine took over everything. You stopped being the two people who started this and became two people running a household.
You can sit five feet apart all day and still miss each other.
You each walked in with a picture of what a relationship is supposed to look like. It came from your parents, your past relationships, and everything you've lived through. Your partner brought theirs. You never compared notes.
So you've both been following rules the other person has never heard. When they're broken, nobody knows why it hurts.
You're having the same conversation over and over. Each of you is waiting for the other one to change first. You've stopped talking about anything but the kids, the house, and the schedule.
You feel unseen. You miss the person you married, and you're not sure how to get back to them. Some part of you is thinking, I don't know you anymore.
The relationship came first, before the kids, the house, and the jobs, and it deserves the same attention you give everything else.
And nobody ever taught you how. That's not your fault. It's just something you can learn.
Meet John & Jodi
John was married for 16 years. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't alive either. He didn't know about love languages or what his wife needed, and neither of them said what they expected.
Jodi was married for 30 years. She spent a long time living for everyone else.
When we met, we knew exactly what we didn't want to repeat. So we started with conversations most couples never have. We wrote down what each of us wanted. We asked “What does that mean to you?” instead of guessing. We agreed on a safe word that stops a hard conversation before it does damage.
We live and work together in a 45-foot motor coach: about 450 square feet when the slides are out. There is nowhere to hide from a hard conversation, so we've had to get good at them.
A relationship built on purpose
Look at the rules and beliefs you inherited, and decide which ones are really yours. Most people have never done this.
You see them through your own filter. We teach you to see them through theirs, and to ask “What does that mean to you?” before you assume.
Decide together what your relationship stands for, what you want to build, and how you'll keep it alive. Then check in on it, on purpose.
We don't pick sides, diagnose, or shame anyone. We teach simple tools you can use the same night.
Tools you'll use that night
Attend the Workshop, or begin with the Free Guide.
One question that stops arguments before they start, because the same word can mean two different things to two people.
A safe place where you can say anything, without judgment or shame, and see how it lands.
A monthly check-in that starts with what's working and moves to what could be better.
Not about the kids or the chores. About the two of you: hopes, dreams, stories, curiosity.
Either of you can pause a heated moment and come back when you're calm.
What we call the habits that drive each other a little crazy. A new name takes the charge out.
Cool stuff, together
New places and new experiences put you out of the daily routine, give you something to talk about that isn't the schedule, and let you see each other again.
A story from us
We rented toboggans and climbed the dunes at Great Sand Dunes National Park in Colorado. It took an hour to get up, and we only made it by helping each other. Then we slid down laughing. We learned how we work under stress, how we play, and what's funny to each of us. Years later, one mention of the dunes brings us right back.
You don't need a plane ticket. A hot air balloon, mini golf, roller skating, an amusement park. Pick something neither of you has done, once a month.
The relationship you've always imagined isn't something you find. It's something you create together.
Attend the WorkshopWays to work with us
Start here
Learn the tools and begin the three conversations, together, in a room of other couples.
Attend the WorkshopA first step, together
A short set of questions for you and your partner to talk through, starting with “How's our us doing?”
Get the Free GuideJohn wrote The Identity of Us in 112 days, working through these ideas together with Jodi.
Book one of a three-book series: who we are, why we believe what we believe, and the mechanics of building it.
If nothing changes
You each wait for the other to move first. You stay close in the room and far apart everywhere else. The relationship becomes one more thing on the to-do list, and you stop being curious about the person next to you.
When you create your us
You know what each other wants. You can say hard things without fear and repair afterward. You have fun again. You wake up on the same team, building the same thing, and you're proud of who you're both becoming.
From two people running a household, waiting for the other to change.
To two people on the same team, creating the relationship they imagined.
You've both grown. This is where the relationship catches up.